busy

Is being busy a virtue? It's almost as if it is considered something to be proud of. This is what one of the new leaders on staff at Grace Chapel talked about a few Sundays ago. And it really hit me how I've made being busy something to be proud of.

It's interesting to think about. I will not lie - I've been proud, at times, about the fact that I did not have one single moment of the day to sit down and put my feet up. I've been proud that I'm not lazy, and that I fill my day up to the limit.

But you know what? It has taken a toll on me. I'm not proud of how my life is unfolding day to day. I'm not proud that I've filled my day up so much that quiet time and reflection is an after thought as I drift off to sleep. I've not made time for God. I've not made time for others. I've not made time to be QUIET.

It's not like I get out a lot. I just constantly have something needing my attention. Kids. Work. Laundry. Housework. Dinner. Grocery Lists.

We all have stuff to do, but I have too much. There has been no balance in my life.

What am I doing about this? Well, I can't stop being a mom, I can't stop being a wife, so I decided to stop being a bookkeeper. My relationships are taking a hit - God, family, and friends. I'm at my wits end every night, nearly in tears because I'm so tired and don't make time to refuel.

I'm going to concentrate on my relationships. All of them. They all need work. I should be done working sometime by the end of September. Let me tell you, October is looking sunny for my life!

updates by pictures

We went to the Chautauqua Festival here in Gladstone. The boys enjoyed pony rides, swings, and snow cones.

We love to make our own pizzas around here. Half goes into the mouth. Half goes onto the pizza.

The boys love to play house. Isaiah and Elias take turns being Mommy and wearing my heels.

We made s'mores in our backyard. Such a fun thing to do at home.

We went to a wedding in Kent, WA. It was quick trip, left at 9am and back at midnight. The boys had a blast and were exhausted. Plus, we got a family picture which is quite rare!

4 months

Raelynn at 4 months

16 pounds

darling girl, here's your latest news!
~ you went camping for the first time and on a boat ride for the first time!
~ you love to make gurgling noises and blow bubbles
~ your legs are so strong! you love to stand up while I hold you
~ you hold your hands in the cutest little clasp in front of your chest
~ you have found your voice! you love to lay and "scream" at anything.
~ you have the most precious smile for your brothers. you love them. they love you.
~ you enjoyed your first wedding this month in Kent, WA
~ you have gotten so close to rolling over. you can get to your side and squeal and kick, but can't quite get all the way over

Oh yes, and you love to play with your tongue. When we spit out our tongues, you do too with the cutest little smirk on your face. You are just too stinking cute.

my greenness

Now I'm an official "green gal". I mean, I cloth diaper for goodness sakes. I'm so green that I decided I needed a clothes line to go along with my greenness.

I was looking at expensive clothing lines. Bryan said, "I'll just build you one for free".

OKAY!

Actually, I will not lie. I 20-questioned the poor guy trying to figure out exactly what it would look like.

Then one day last week, Bryan came home early (with coffee in hand), and made me a clothes line!

I love that man.

 Daddy's little helpers

 Aren't they so cute?!

Bryan was so patient letting the boys help

  Isaiah's first time using a drill - at age 4

(2 favorites of this picture - Bry's cute smirk/smile and the sky is blue!)

About half way through the project, Bryan realized he only had pink string. Very bright pink string. But to go along with my greenness and the free route, we opted to use it. It's quite bright and makes me giggle, but the finished product is quite handy.

trusting

So remember this post which ended in me saying

"So, here we are. We are a family of 5 trusting the Lord with our finances."

Well, here's an update:

Why is it so hard for me to trust when I KNOW that the Lord provides. I tried to convince myself that I was being a good steward by working and helping out financially. Really, deep down, I was not trusting. I was doubting. 

Well, my husband sent me a drop-to-my-knees-and-thank-the-Lord text today. Bryan will be starting a new project in The Dalles in September. Since this is a one and a half hour commute, the man is getting a per diem and gas card to help cover the costs. Bryan told me this when he found out he'd be going to The Dalles, but I really didn't think that much of it or hope for much.

The Lord certainly provides because between Bryan's per diem and the cost of gas being covered, well, that pretty much covers my loss of income. Explain that. 

Oh wait, you can't because it's all the Lord's work. We can't explain such things. 

A big Amen is in order here! 

laundry

Who wouldn't enjoy folding towels with this precious one as company?

be still my heart

a new chapter

A new chapter is beginning in my life at the end of the month. For the first time in almost 14 years, I will not be an employee of anyone. I will be JUST a stay at home mama. I'm excited. Nervous. Terrified.

I'm excited to be able to focus only on my children. I'm so glad to not have to hide in a closet in my bedroom to take a work phone call to escape the noise of my kids. I'm glad I don't have to say, "give me 10 more minutes of working and I'll play trains with you". Yes, I'm excited.

I'm nervous because I don't remember what not working is like. I've had a consistent job since I was 15.

I'm terrified because I don't know what it will be like to not be using my brain for something else other than teaching preschooler songs, colors, numbers, etc. My job is simple, but it takes concentration, and a little level of number understanding. Will my brain turn to mush? Will I crave adult conversations more than ever? Will I be able to find an adult to hang out with? Yes, those are a few of my weird terrifications (yup, made that up).

But you know what? I've been so busy making a budget, getting our financial ways in order, and aligning everything perfect before I would even let myself think about being just a stay at home mom. I was too busy doing that, that I forgot about the trusting the Lord part.

My kids need me. They need my attention. They need me to disciple them. All of that out weighs the "are we in a perfect financial position?".

So, here we are. We are a family of 5 trusting the Lord with our finances. 

One man working. 

One woman staying home with 3 beautiful kiddos. 

(I like numbers, did you know that?). 

an update on the day

Soooooo.....

It got better. I prayed. I cried. I ran.

This is what I found when I was getting ready to run.

It made me laugh. The boys love playing with my shoes.

This pumpkin woke up seconds before my run, so she hung out in the garage with me.

These boys got some good naps, and were MUCH more pleasant peeps when they woke.

 Isaiah is excited because he only has 28 days until preschool starts

*sniff*

As for me? Well, with some prayer, some exercise, and some coffee, I'm a new woman.

A new patient woman who is ready to tackle her last few weeks as a bookkeeper....

you win some, you lose some

Today I've definitely lost the battle of patience.

Multiple times.


Miss Rae, bless her little chubby self, slept in until 6:30am. I woke up, fed her, and decided to get about my day. Now lately, I have been going back to bed and sleeping until about 7:30 or so. Today was the day I was going to start running. Yeah, running a half marathon in October and I've ran a total of 3 miles since last September.

Count that 1. 2. 3.

Did you know a half marathon is 13.1 miles? Yeah, I'm in trouble.

Anyway, back to my battle.

Isaiah wandered out of his room as soon as I hit the power button on the coffee pot. Without a word, he grabbed a snack, grabbed his water, and popped in Thomas the Train (he is used to entertaining himself until I drag my booty out of bed). That is when I thought, "Wow, this is going to be a good day".

Boy was I WRONG.

Frustrating. Repetitive. Whining. Crying. Fighting. Throwing. Time Outs. LOUD.

I'm ranting, I realize this. I was just feeling so accomplished that I was up and attacking life so early (for me). Little did I know what my day held for me, otherwise I would have stayed in bed.

Well, the home is quiet for the moment. All three were just put down for naps. I should hit the treadmill while I can, but I think I may just sit, pout, and pray for a better attitude first. It's going to be a loooonnngggg prayer full of begging, forgiveness, and maybe even a little tear.

Here's to a better last half of the day.

back in may...losing my identity

I was trying to find this little thing I'd written all the way back in May. I could not find it and was so annoyed because I KNEW I'd written it. Then I remembered, oh yeah, I had this crazy idea that maybe I'd start some type of inspirational something or other. Yeah, sounds profound, I know. 

Anyway, I started it in a Word document, not a blog. Here's my thoughts.....

Losing my identity?

Bryan brought up this topic today. Someone at his men’s retreat a few weeks ago said that women lose their identities when they have children. They drop their own ambitions and dreams all for their children.

I somewhat agree with this. I don’t feel like I’ve lost my identity. I feel that it’s shifted. I’m still not all that aware of what all my new dreams and aspirations are, but they are definitely focused on raising my children rather than accomplishing something or making something of myself.

My new identity is wrapped up in my children. I’m okay with that. I’m scared, but I’m okay with it. My biggest fear? Will I raise my children in such a way to teach them the love of Jesus? Will they grow up with a love for the Lord? Will they be followers of Jesus? Will they love others like Jesus taught us? Can I teach my kids all this?

My new purpose is not becoming successful in the eyes of the world. My new purpose is the ministry of motherhood. The Lord has entrusted 3 precious kiddos to me. My responsibility is to teach them, to disciple them.

This is such a huge responsibility for me. I’m overwhelmed, but I know that the Lord will give me the wisdom and tools to teach them. I’m confident of that. I’m afraid I don’t know enough, but at the same time, I know the Holy Spirit will guide me.

I am on a journey. A journey to minister to my children and teach them all there is to know about a God who loves us more than I can possibly fathom. I’m on a journey to teach them to love others and to chase after God. 

don't count

I'm a math nerd. I like numbers. I like working budgets. I think percentages of things are fun. I like to count things - anything, I don't care, I just count. Yup, I'm a nerd.
Now that we have that cleared up...

I have discovered something about my counting lately. I count how many loads of laundry I did in the day. I count how many times I've unloaded the dishwasher in the week. I count how many times I had to put the toilet seat down. I count how many times I had to pick up that darn snack cup that it supposed to be on the table and not in the middle of the floor....and on and on I count.

My counting has lead to a very bad attitude. I am tired lately, so my counting and bad attitude has grown. I'm becoming resentful of my responsibilities, resentful of the lack of help, and resentful of my lack of time.

Welp, today that will change. I will no longer count. If I find myself counting, I am going to stop whatever I'm doing and pray for strength to do my day to day activities. No one deserves my attitude. Everyone needs my love and joy while I work.

So, there you have it. I'm trying to undue one of my worst habits - no more counting.

not her?!

yes her. 

this little beauty

spent about 3 hours screaming her head off last night.

i was a wreck. 

i had tried everything i thought she'd need or want:

diaper change? nope

teething tablets? nope

gas drops? nope

tummy exercises? nope

food? nope

sleep? nope

rocking? nope

walk outside? nope

bounce? nope

lay on the floor and scream? yup

after her cries kept up & got louder & more shrill, i called bryan in for backup

i was sobbing as much as poor raelynn at that point (just not so high pitched).

bryan took her for a car ride at 1am and it worked. 

she stopped crying and slept until 7:30am.

wow. challenging, let me tell you. that's the first time i've ever had one of my babies cry for that long without having a clue of what was wrong or how i could make it better. i felt like a failure of a mom last night, but she woke up with a big smile....i didn't mess her up too bad, i guess.