mommy time out

I'm taking a mommy time out. My kids are eating their lunch while watching Curious George. I am sitting in my room with my first cup of coffee that I just had to warm in the microwave. 


It's confession time. 

I have a short fuse. 

I'm hoping it's pregnancy hormones, but I've got to get this under control. I have the hardest time with my boys just doing something to make the other scream. I also have a hard time with the screamer who is completely overreacting. 

Today, I looked at Isaiah, and said, "Do you really think Jesus likes how you are acting right now? Do you think he likes how you are treating Elias?". He had tears in his eyes and said, "No, Mama". 

It brought me to tears. One because I'm pregnant, two because I don't ask myself that enough. I overreact often (just asking my amazing hubby). I yell when there is no reason to be yelling. I'm mean when there is no excuse for me to be mean. 

I've said this often - Disciplining is hard. I think the hardest part for me lately is all the horrible stuff I see in me as I'm trying to train my children to love God and love others. I'm seeing how I'm not loving like God wants me to be loving. 

At work we did an exercise for a staff meeting. Our boss, Matt, had us write our story in 6 words or less. His example was this "For sale. Baby shoes. Never used." He told us to write a story that told about our day, week, or year. Whatever we wanted. 

Mine was this 

 Reality sinking in. I'm in charge. 

Lately, it's hit me how I'm in charge of these little boys the Lord has given me. Not in charge to command them or correct their behavior. But in charge of their little souls. I'm at home being the example they are watching. I'm at home reminding them of God's love and teaching them the Bible. I'm at home encouraging them to control themselves. 

Such a responsibility the Lord has given me. 

That is where I'm at right now. I'm a mommy trying to love God my best, trying to love my boys my best, and trying to teach them how to love others their best. I don't know why it scares me, but I know the Lord is teaching me just as much as I'm teaching my kiddos. 

Meanwhile, as I wrap this up, the boys are singing "the wheels on the bus" together. Cuteness.