hypocritical times

Bryan asked me the other night if I had any desire for an ipad. I made a very lady like snort and said, "Really? We each have a computer, and a desktop. How materialistic do we need to be?" I then started discussing (more talking to myself) how there are so many more things we can do with our extra money. I talked about possessions that did absolutely nothing for anyone other than ourselves. I talked about trying to concentrate spending our money on things that could actually benefit others.

Anyway, after all that talking, I blew up at Elias.

I let the boys vacuum my bedroom while we were packing up for the weekend. I thought it would keep the boys out of trouble and out of my way while I finished up. Wrong about the trouble part.

I was in the kitchen and heard a repeated banging noise. I hopped up and over everything laying in the hallway and got to the bedroom to figure out what was being destroyed. It was my night stand. Elias was repeatedly hitting the night stand with the vacuum.

I lost it. I was so mad. I took the vacuum out of his hands and told the boys to get out of my room. I had to sit there and remind myself that Elias was more important than a night stand. The night stand was not a big deal. I was seriously furious. How was the fact that Elias was more important even something I needed to remind myself about?

Then it all just left. I was so ashamed that I was so upset over such a DUMB thing. The night stand has no benefit to anyone but me. Yes, I like it. Yes, it was pretty. But really, it's a hunk of wood and not important in the grand scheme of life.

Then I remembered my rants to Bryan the night before about materialistic stuff being so distracting, so selfish, and not necessary. And yup, the shame just got worse.

So, I had to apologize to the boys. The boys need to learn to take care of things and not destroy things, but I need to keep my cool while teaching them. How are they going to know that possessions are earthly and not important if I get mad so easily over them?

Once again, being a mom is teaching me and changing me.